This coffee table is a perfect place for me to yack.

I’ve blogged about how Browning and Quigley go out of their ways to attack me when I’m using a nail file. Refresher:


So I tried using a different nail file to avoid being bothered. After I was finished, I put it on the coffee table. 3 seconds later, this asshole is on the table batting at it.


He continues this for about 3 minutes, and then gets this weird look on his face that he always gets before he yacks something up.

So, he started yacking. On my file. On my coffee table.


Well I was drinking that, but you go right ahead: Part two.

Cats are notorious for taking, drinking, eating, scratching, spilling, and sitting on anything that’s yours.

So, Browning decided to help himself to a little of my holiday spirit I decided to have:


As it turns out, these little furry douchebags can’t taste sweets, so my eggnog was a complete bust for him.

Catherine:1, Browning:397.

Cats are even jealous of Christmas: The Sequel.

In November, I told you the story about how cats have a general hatred for everything, and even find room in their tiny icy hearts to be jealous of Christmas.

Fast forward to December 13. I’ve done most of my Christmas shopping so I finally bought gift bags and wrapping paper and planned on wrapping gifts tonight. Well, that was a great idea in theory until I realized I didn’t have tape. And not just scotch tape. I don’t have duct tape. Or electrical tape. So I figured a glue stick would suffice to hold the paper around the boxes. That didn’t work either because being the asshole I am, I bought wrapping paper covered in glitter. Glue stick doesn’t stick to glitter. Moving on.

So, I begin to put the gifts that don’t require wrapping into gift bags, when I come across this problem right here:


Browning has made himself comfortable front and center, while Quigley is still unsure about the situation and decides to survey.


Quigley jets, and Browning continues to be an asshole. He’s basically daring me to wrap him up and give him away.

And finally, the grooming stage. You know your cats have reached the optimum “I don’t give a shit what you’re doing” level when they begin grooming themselves. Cats even hate Christmas.


This is why I pay an exterminator.

Felines are supposed to be natural hunters…..fearsome carnivores with senses attuned to seeking out and mercilessly slaughtering their prey. Unless of course the felines in question are three fat housecats and the prey is a tiny spider. I have a crippling fear of spiders, which is why I just pay an exterminator and don’t rely on my cats for any assistance in this department.


You should’ve seen Jaegar take down a snowflake ornament about 3 minutes later though….if I ever develop a crippling fear of snowflake ornaments, I know I’m in good hands.