This shit hurts. And it happens every night. He starts kneading my stomach. And I have to knock him off the bed. Same routine the next night. Such is my life.
Don’t believe everything you see on Pinterest.
First, just let me say that I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some degree of an addiction to Pinterest.
Pinterest teaches you things. Empty lotion containers? Fill those bad boys up with ketchup, and voila. Used wrapping paper? Let me show you how to somehow turn it into a picture frame that looks store bought.
But there is no way in hell I’m buying this shenanigan, Pinterest:
Cats hate everything. It’s why this blog exists in the first place. “OH, look at this cute, creative way to incorporate your family pet and your unborn child into one picture.”
Pinterest, I call bullshit. That cat didn’t pose for a picture because cats hate posing for pictures. That cat also hates that collar because, duh, those are for dogs. AND, the most important–cats HATE babies. There is no way you’re leading me to believe that a cat willingly let itself be photographed wearing a collar next to a pair of empty baby shoes. Maybe if this was a picture of a cat slapping a baby and knocking its bottle over I would believe it more.
Cat asses are the worst.
And they always end up in your face.
I went to New York and…
ALL I GOT WAS THIS CAT MAKING THIS DUMB FACE
MINE.
Just in case you thought this purse was yours, I’ll remind you that it isn’t. Even though I’m a cat and have no actual use for a purse.
Cat Olympics
As the Olympics in London come to an end, we thought it’d be a great way to close them with a “what if cats were in the Olympics?” themed blog post. Here are some events Suzanne and I have come up with so far:
–who can puke the largest amount of undigested cat food in the most highly trafficked area
–bed sprints when the human is in bed
–synchronized meowing/yelling
–competitive eating (out of the self-feeder)
–internal organ crushing (based on accuracy)
–who can sit in/on the smallest object not made for sitting (points based on creativity; example: more points for sitting in an egg carton than on the counter)
–human tripping (extra points for causing a fall)
–human slapping (extra points for using claws)
–window sill sitting/sleeping (judged on balance and duration)
Cats Are Such Dicks 