So I started a new job, a fantastic job that allows me to sleep in. Dream come true right? Not if you have cats.
My new alarm doesn’t go off until 8:30, as opposed to the 7:00 am alarm that my cats have grown used to over the past year.
This is a real problem for their little cat worlds. The last two days have started with me beating them off my pillow and throwing them across the room (dramatization) at 7:15 because I’ve apparently overstayed my welcome in my bed.
People unwise to the dickish tendencies of cats might think this cute. “Aww, they just want to make sure you’re on time for work,” someone might say.
You couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. Cats are evil, hateful, fur-covered little creatures that love ruining people’s days in any way they can.
Sorry there isn’t a picture to accompany this blog. Like I’m thinking clearly in my early morning rages.
Cats Are Such Dicks 
My wife has 11 of those evil creatures. Not only are they dickish, they are greedy little bastards too! I have to feed them sometimes, and man, they just about jump up on my arms while I’m opening the cans!
Holy shit. 11? May God have mercy on your soul.
Yeah, I’m seriously allergic to them. She lets a few of them in from time to time. When it rains, she will feed them on the porch. They shit in my boots, the food draws flies. Then she starts complaining about the flies. Cats are evil.