Trixie is one of my mother’s cats, and this cat is notorious for doing some of the dumbest shit and being caught in the dumbest locations. Let’s follow Trixie on a typical day in her life.
Step 1:
Wake up around noon. Rub cute cat face. Repeat as needed.
Step 2:
Start day by locating the most difficult place in the house to sit. Struggle to get up there.
Step 3:
When you’ve achieved this first goal, yell loudly about it until someone notices what you’ve done and gives you treats.
Step 4:
Find the warmest place in the house and take a nap. You’ve had a fairly full day already. Treat yo’self.
Step 5:
After you’ve napped in the warmest place, you should also take a nap in the darkest place. Pro-tip: If these places happen to be the same location, nap twice.
Step 6:
Nap time(s) is over! Time for play. Find a nice cabinet to get stuck in. Pro-tip: It really scares the humans when you disappear and they think you’ve gone between the wall and the cabinets, so do that if possible.
Step 7:
Once you’ve been ripped from the cabinets and your playtime is over, lay in dramatic fashion on the kitchen floor. The humans will think something is wrong with you and you’ll get noms from them. If they don’t give you noms, you’re strategically placed to catch all the falling noms.
Step 8:
It’s bedtime now. But instead of sleeping in your room, go under the couch. Tear up the lining underneath it, and hide there until the human goes to sleep. Then watch for the next 45 minutes as the human yells your name and shakes cans of food for you. Finally give in when she says “Trixie, you want some treats?”
Cats Are Such Dicks 