ETA: I just learned that today is International Cat Day. So this post can also serve as a celebration of cats doing whatever the fuck they want, as always. Because every day is Caturday, bitches.
At times, it can seem like the sole purpose of a cat’s existence is to do literally the opposite of what you want or need it to do at any given time. It’s almost as if the cat derives a sense of purpose or pleasure from disregarding, disobeying, inconveniencing, and/or ignoring you and your commands. You may think to yourself: “Oh, they are just tiny little animals with tiny little animal brains that don’t understand what I want or just misunderstand what I’m trying to tell them to do.”
WRONG, stupid.
Of course they understand what you want and what you’re saying. Research shows that cats not only can communicate with humans, they can also pretty much control your mind and your actions. So, while you’re all like , “I guess I’ll stop telling Socks to get off the kitchen counter as he obviously doesn’t understand what I’m saying, and my attempts to keep him off are futile”, Socks is all like, “Whatever, bitch. I’m going to plant my dirty cat butthole right here on the kitchen counter over and over until you just resign yourself to the fact that you can’t control me. Then I’m going to manipulate you into feeding me treats by mimicking a human baby crying. LOLZ.”
My cats disobey me in pretty much every capacity, but the thing they seem to enjoy doing most is just sitting on and/or staring at me at inconvenient times when I don’t want to be sat upon or stared at. These times include the following:
It doesn’t matter how gently I remove them from my face/lap or how forcefully I say “NO”, they continue to come back again and again until I give up and let them do whatever they want. Which, obviously, was their plan all along. I know it, they know it, and they just want to keep showing me who’s the real boss around these parts.
Cats Are Such Dicks 