Adventures in camping

So my sister is one of those people who believes her dog is a human. As such, in preparation for a camping trip we’re going to take, naturally we needed to buy the dog’s tent first.

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Within 5 minutes, dog jumps out of the tent and resumes her post on the couch. And then this happens:

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What are you doing in there? You would HATE camping.

Things I Say to My Cats

Any good cat lady will talk to her cats and the following list is comprised of things you could catch me saying to my cats on a daily basis:

–“Get off that.”
–“Get down from there.”
–“Quit looking at me like that.”
–“What are you staring at?”
–“Yes, I’m actually going to wear this.”
–“Quit judging me.”
–“Shut up.”
–“Quit yelling.”
–“Knock it off.”
–“Are you f*cking kidding me with that?”
–“You couldn’t manage to puke on the carpet?”

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Things that go bump in the night.

It’s November and therefore it’s getting cooler outside. Science.

Also science is outside animals seeking a warmer place to stay, which happens to be indoors. Science is currently taking place between my bedroom wall that is shared with the kitchen and there is an entire family of somethings inside that wall trying to find things made of warm. Which means, that this idiot is losing his damn mind trying to find whatever it is:
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And it’s like, okay fine, glad you finally got tired of me yelling GET A JOB at you and you’re finally doing SOMETHING.

But, what in the hell are you going to do once you find the creature? Will you kill it? Will it kill you? Will you injure the poor thing just enough so it’s begging you to put it out of its misery? And where do you plan on torturing your prey? On my bed? You’ve never hunted a day in your damn life, as evidenced by this:
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YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. IT’S IN THE WALL, NOT RINGING THE DOORBELL.

National Cat Day is Not About the Cats

Humans and the Internet alike lost their damn minds yesterday because it was National Cat Day.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for kitten delivery¬†(someone send me some kittens).¬†However, what humans and the Internet did NOT realize is that, every damn day is National Cat Day because CATS ARE SUCH DICKS.

Here’s a brief history about the creation of National Cat Day:

  • Fact: National Cat Day was not created by humans. It was created by cats.
  • Fact: National Cat Day is not about recognizing the magical creature that is the cat.
  • Fact: National Cat Day was created by cats for the sake of making humans look completely stupid for one entire day a year and to win all of the Internets.