This shit hurts. And it happens every night. He starts kneading my stomach. And I have to knock him off the bed. Same routine the next night. Such is my life.


National Pet Day.

Today is National Pet Day because our country feels the need to declare every day some sort of stupid national holiday. National Walk Around Things Day? Guessing you probably missed that also.

Here’s a picture of one of these dick cats I live with celebrating National Pet Day.


Here we have Browning, sitting on me, his ass pointed to my face. What you can’t see is that he’s kneading the shit out of my stomach because I had just finished eating a pound of potato salad. As you can see, it’s really no different from any other day in a cat’s life because they’re complete assholes every day of the year.


*Insert blog content about how I get home from work and I’m tired and these asshole cats are still in bed.*

Browning has really outdone himself.



Trying to Craft with Cats.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before

A few days ago I was feeling pretty crafty. So instead of going out and getting drunk that Friday night, I made a trip to Hobby Lobby instead. On the agenda? Curse word coasters made out of Scrabble tiles, of course.



I get back to my apartment, lay all my craft supplies out, and then this starts happening.


That’s those two assholes playing with shit behind my back.

And, let’s fast forward 10 minutes.


Those leftover Scrabble tiles are now scattered all around my room. And they hurt like hell when I step on them in the middle of the night. All part of their plan I’m sure.

Ps–There’s only one letter k tile in a Scrabble box, so you’ll be forced to choose “dick” or “fuck.”


Cats only pretend to not pay attention.

So, I have this bookcase in my apartment full of books (obvs) and random cute shit I find to collect dust.

I went to Target after work, so naturally I found more random cute shit to clutter my shelves with. My new vase/flower combination had been on its shelf for a total of five minutes when what to my wondering eyes should appear? This asshole trying to knock it off the shelf.


The next time you think they’re ignoring you and don’t give a shit about what you’re doing…think again. They’re watching you and waiting to strike.


This coffee table is a perfect place for me to yack.

I’ve blogged about how Browning and Quigley go out of their ways to attack me when I’m using a nail file. Refresher:


So I tried using a different nail file to avoid being bothered. After I was finished, I put it on the coffee table. 3 seconds later, this asshole is on the table batting at it.


He continues this for about 3 minutes, and then gets this weird look on his face that he always gets before he yacks something up.

So, he started yacking. On my file. On my coffee table.


Well I was drinking that, but you go right ahead: Part two.

Cats are notorious for taking, drinking, eating, scratching, spilling, and sitting on anything that’s yours.

So, Browning decided to help himself to a little of my holiday spirit I decided to have:


As it turns out, these little furry douchebags can’t taste sweets, so my eggnog was a complete bust for him.

Catherine:1, Browning:397.