What do you mean I’m on the naughty list?

If cats believed in Christmas, all cats would get coal because they’re evil fur covered assholes that unnecessarily complicate their owner’s lives on a daily basis. And they wouldn’t even feel remorseful about it. But they don’t believe in Christmas because they’re dicks and would never, ever, like, ever believe in something so magical simply because it makes the entire planet happy and love each other for a night.

It seems this asshole didn’t get the memo because he’s still checking Santa’s nice list for his name.


I’ll save you the time so you can quickly return to not doing a damn thing…It’s not there because you’ve spent the last year puking on the carpet, eating my fresh flowers, dumping my glasses of water, and sprinting laps on the bed every morning.

Cats are even jealous of Christmas: The Sequel.

In November, I told you the story about how cats have a general hatred for everything, and even find room in their tiny icy hearts to be jealous of Christmas.

Fast forward to December 13. I’ve done most of my Christmas shopping so I finally bought gift bags and wrapping paper and planned on wrapping gifts tonight. Well, that was a great idea in theory until I realized I didn’t have tape. And not just scotch tape. I don’t have duct tape. Or electrical tape. So I figured a glue stick would suffice to hold the paper around the boxes. That didn’t work either because being the asshole I am, I bought wrapping paper covered in glitter. Glue stick doesn’t stick to glitter. Moving on.

So, I begin to put the gifts that don’t require wrapping into gift bags, when I come across this problem right here:


Browning has made himself comfortable front and center, while Quigley is still unsure about the situation and decides to survey.


Quigley jets, and Browning continues to be an asshole. He’s basically daring me to wrap him up and give him away.

And finally, the grooming stage. You know your cats have reached the optimum “I don’t give a shit what you’re doing” level when they begin grooming themselves. Cats even hate Christmas.