I’ve been MIA and for that I apologize.

So, I’ve been in Canada for the last two weeks, which means that I’ve been cat-less for longer than that. Needless to say, my cats haven’t had the chance to be dicks to me. Instead, they’ve been dicks to their cat-sitters, and their cat-sitters haven’t emailed me about their dick-ish behavior, so therefore I have nothing to report to any of you. For what it’s worth though, I did harass my grandmother’s cat while I was out of the country, and that cat hated it.

HOWEVER, I do have this feel-good, sappy, nearing-Disney-movie-status-type news story to share with the three people that read this blog regularly.

Apparently this stray cat that lives in Massachusetts literally spent an entire week in a tree before it decided that plummeting 80 feet to the ground sounded like a better idea. Seriously, people tried rescuing it a few times, but because ALL CATS ARE DICKS, the cat refused to be rescued, which only meant that firefighters would have to cut the branch down to save it.

Long story short, firefighters cut said branch down, and the world is amazed that a cat survived an 80 foot drop. I have four points to make about this story, and they are as follows: 1. Cats always land on their feet. 2. Cats are always dicks, so duh, you were going to have to pry that dumbass out of the tree. 3. I’m a little upset that this story was the most interesting story that popped up when I googled “Cat News” today. SHIT. 4. To the person that commented, “People that let cats poop in their house are weird,” on the article…thank you.

Tardar Sauce: the Grumpy Cat

By now (unless you’ve been living under a rock), you’ve probably heard about the latest Internet cat sensation that STILL isn’t our cats.

His name is freaking¬†Tardar Sauce, and he’s known as the grumpiest cat, because, well… he looks like an asshole, ALL OF THE TIME. Like, physically, he can’t help it because he was made that way.

If you want to read more about him, you can click here. If you just want to see funny pictures of this cat being a dick, then keep scrolling…and then you can click here for even more pictures.

Cat Card #1: Fake Disinterest

So, last week, I was bored and Browning was laying next to me and he looked bored as hell too, so I googled “cat games for computers.” I came across this “game” that looked like it was basically from the Netscape Navigator-era, like I could count pixels, but Browning seemed to be slightly impressed so I let it play.

20121008-203039.jpg

He was interested.

20121008-203251.jpg

Here he’s saying “ZOMG THIS IS THE BEST THING EVERRRRR.”

Then as soon as he realized I captured him looking impressed on camera, he promptly pulled Cat Card #1 and faked disinterest.

20121008-203400.jpg